So, a month into a break-up. Now what? Is online dating calling your name? Well, don’t let it.
Online dating is actually destroying my perception of love, life, and relationships.
For those unfamiliar with dating apps, here’s a little preview. On almost every app, to swipe left is to say you’re not interested; to swipe right is to make a potential match. If both participants swipe right, the app will inform them that there is a match and invite them to message each other. There are certain differences between the apps, but most allow messages to be sent before matching or the option of a “super-like” for those extra important swipes.
I have so many Tinder and Hinge pet peeves that I don’t even know where to start, so I guess I’ll start with the apps themselves. They almost force the participant to buy some sort of premium version of the dating app by withholding valuable features behind a paywall. I understand that they want people to pay, but I feel like it should be reserved for things like super likes on Tinder (or roses on Hinge) or Boosts – which make your profile visible to more people in the area.
Instead, you have no choice over who comes across your dating app Discover page unless you pay. So, while I’m innocently swiping on Tinder, I’ll just randomly see someone who is miles out of my location range, years older than anything I’d be willing to excuse (ew!), or any other “hard no” that I put on my profile.
On Hinge, you can’t access the different types of Discover pages such as nearby or active today without paying, and both Tinder and Hinge have a like limit. I personally have only hit the limit once or twice so I’m not too bothered by it, but I also don’t use the apps that much – at least, not enough to have any success.
Okay, now that I have talked my crap on the actual platform – let me diss the people on it. First, if you message someone, say something other than just “hey.” I literally do not know what else to say. I have so much information on my profile that could spark a conversation: my job, my school, my pet cat, my interest in Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul, my interest in poetry and nature, my biography, my listed interests, my English and political science majors, or the parrots I’m feeding in one of the pictures. So, yeah. That’s annoying.
Also, every other picture is a man holding a dead deer, fish, or another type of game. Which is fine – just not for me. Don’t even get me started on the profiles that just have two ab pictures and a name, literally nothing to even denote a single thing about the other person’s personality. I get that looks are important, but wow, it would be amazing just to even know the other person’s political beliefs or occupation (options that are literally offered–no, suggested– to fill in!! Why would you NOT fill in those sections!).
Also, I just feel like people should know not to swipe on someone with the opposite political beliefs when I literally put my political science major in my bio; you HAVE to guess that I have some sort of weight placed on your politics and opinions! Maybe I’m just being nitpicky, but I just feel like I need someone who shares the same political opinions (and vaccination status) as me. Couples fight about enough outside of politics.
Online dating is also very confusing. I’ll have some guys message me hundreds of times before suggesting a date, and others, their first message have a date and time to go out. Immediately jumping on a date is scary! People can kill or kidnap you, or smell reallllly bad, or be an incessant mansplainer, and there is no way to vet that via messages, no matter how long you talk. So, it’s scary and confusing.
Online dating also feels pointless, like I’m constantly running in circles. I finally think I might have a connection with someone, provide them my phone number or another social media, and then they ask for the dreaded nudes. And then I block them. And then they somehow find me on another dating app and try to match with me there – I guess they think the second time is the charm?
Or the stalking – ew ew ew! I am scared! I turned down one guy who then found my LinkedIn?! He tried to follow my Instagram and then I blocked him because I did NOT give him my last name or any of my socials, and then he tried to follow me AGAIN on a DIFFERENT account!! Take a hint and leave me alone!! I was scared enough after the LinkedIn incident that I stayed off dating apps for a week. So, if you use these apps, please don’t be creepy. The apps don’t offer last names for a reason, and I don’t know how you’re finding mine, but please stop!
As always, thanks for reading the column! If you have any questions or suggestions, feel free to fill out the Google Form, reach out to my email at [email protected], or comment below.
