If you have ever been broken up with, I’m sure you have heard one of the mantras: time heals, plenty of fish in the sea, you can do better, etc. – but I’m sure I speak for most when I say these never made me feel better.  

“Time heals” actually pissed me off for a while. At that point, I did not care if I would ever feel better; I just knew I felt horrible at that moment, and dreaming of some imaginary future where I somehow forgot about my half-decade relationship … did not help. 

But, a couple of weeks ago, one of my friends back home sent me a message about the concept of the “thank you phase,” and ever since, that has been my saving grace. If you’re unfamiliar with this concept, you may have heard of the quote: “Thank you for firing me.” 

So many times in life, you stay in a constant just because it is what you’re familiar with – not because it is what you want, and the only thing that can pull you out of that slump is a dramatic change you have no control over: a death, a breakup, losing a job, not getting hired after a big interview – whatever it be. 

If the universe decides it’s your time to move on, don’t fight it – you should never have to beg someone for their love and attention. Maybe I’m just some manic pixie dream girl, but I am a genuine believer in fate, and I think (and hope) the right person comes at the right time. 

But more importantly, the thank you phase: this is the beautiful point after the breakup when you start to recognize all the things in your life that have changed for the better since being with your ex – most of which would not have been possible if that relationship continued. 

After being with someone for over five years, I struggled to do things alone; if my then-boyfriend didn’t want to go to something, I usually would just end up not going. 

I never realized how trapped I felt with all of my plans having to revolve around someone else, especially when interests weren’t aligned, until months after the breakup. 

I grew up on concerts; one of my first was Lefty Frizzell, and a couple of weeks ago, I heard Slaughter Beach Dog perform Saginaw, Michigan live and almost cried at the unexpected full circle – and I went to that alone. 

In the 5 and half years I was with my ex, I went to a concert. Over the last summer, I went to five. 

Before my breakup, I never wanted to do anything by myself – even going to the grocery store. Now, I can attend concerts with pit tickets by myself, but more importantly, enjoy myself. 

Learning to appreciate your own company is one of the most important things after a breakup, but can benefit everyone. 

I know so many women who base their entire lives around their boyfriends (not to generalize, but it tends to be this way rather than vice-versa in heterosexual relationships), and I can’t judge because I have been there, done that, and know the consequences. Think about the rise of Trad-Wife content and stay-at-home moms on social media – these are perfectly acceptable ways of life, but what happens when that man is no longer willing to support you? 

So, learning to love your own company is the best thing you can do for yourself – and others. Start doing the things you love to do on your own: for me, that was hiking. I hiked so much this summer and was able to sit over the most beautiful outlooks I have ever seen, writing poetry or just thinking, and I am so thankful that I did that. 

And the biggest “thank you” for me comes with my upcoming study abroad trip to Florence, Italy. If I had stayed in my previous relationship, there is no way I would have even considered studying abroad – even with how little I saw my partner during the semester, I couldn’t imagine not having the ability to see him. From everyone I have talked to, I’ve been told that studying abroad has been the best experience of their college venture, if not the best experience of their life. 

So, thank you, Ex, for breaking up with me. 

And if you’re not at the point to even consider thanking your Ex, thank the universe for doing it for you. Your true life partner would not treat you in a way that even makes you consider whether they are the right person for you – you’ll know when you have someone who treats you exactly the way you deserve. 

Don’t get me wrong: you’re still allowed to be angry and sad and confused, but at some point, you can’t let yourself rot from these feelings. Go out and see the world, go hike, and go to concerts by yourself.

No matter how much you miss them or how sad you are, the world won’t stop turning, and you will have to learn at some point to move on – so do it with grace and respect for yourself. Let yourself mourn while still experiencing the joy life has to offer.

As always, thank you for reading the column! I’m always willing to explore other topics if readers have specific requests, and I accept anonymous submissions through this Google Form.