What to do when you feel your partner is slowly distancing from you? They aren’t really answering messages or calling like before. You can see they are online but aren’t acknowledging your messages. If they do it’s very short, even one-liner answers. Should I be scared that my relationship (of 3 years) is coming to an end? – J
Well, first, let me say I’m so sorry. I have been here, and there is nothing else to say except that it sucks.
But acknowledging something is wrong is the first and most important step. I’ll speak from personal experience here: I didn’t even realize my ex was distancing himself from me for months prior to our break-up until I looked back afterward and reflected (and also, my mom told me he didn’t sit on the same couch as me for 2 months without me realizing … youch!)
So, all of this is to say you are on the right track, especially compared to where I was. It’s also crucial to acknowledge that you deserve better. Your partner may be distancing themselves subconsciously – they might not even mean to be hurting you – but if they aren’t even giving you the grace of speaking to them anymore, it’s time for a serious talk.
Unless your partner previously communicated that they would be swamped with school or work, traveling, or something was happening in their personal life, you have a big problem in your relationship.
So, remind yourself that you deserve to be responded to by someone who cares deeply about what you’re saying, actively listens, and asks follow-up questions. Why would you want to be with someone who didn’t treat you that way?
The first step should always be communication. Have you spoken to your partner about how and why they are responding less to you and in a shorter, disinterested manner? Try something like: “I really value our relationship, and I miss the way we used to communicate. It’s hard for me not to worry when I don’t hear from you as much, and when I do, it seems like you aren’t interested in talking.”
If not, it’s time to have that uncomfortable conversation; it might be hard to bring up, but it’s essential to recognize that your partner might not even know they’re hurting you.
If you have brought up your concerns to your significant other and they haven’t improved, it might be time to move on. This process is hard, and I’m sorry if you have to go through a breakup, but even if it’s painful now, you will find someone who you won’t question one bit, and they will make you feel so loved – like you’re the center of their world, just like a good partner should.
Three years is a long time to be with someone, but if they’re unwilling to work to improve your relationship for your sake, the years don’t matter. I was with my ex for five and a half years, but by the time we broke up, it was the same thing: he wasn’t responding to me as much, not as interested, and never wanted to see me. I felt like I didn’t even know who I was dating anymore.
Breakups are hard and painful, much more so if you were together for a longer period, but you shouldn’t feel like you have to stay with someone because of the time you have already been together, especially if you aren’t happy or treated fairly in the relationship.
Remind yourself that the length of time you have been with your significant other is a strength, even if you break up. You worked to maintain a relationship for three whole years while likely traversing some pretty stressful life events and college. That’s an accomplishment!
If this current partner isn’t the right one for you, imagine how easy and lovely it will feel when you find the person who will not only give you the time of day but also check in with you because they want to and care about you.
I hate to say it, but I find that partners who distance themselves from their significant other are often just trying to get the other person to do the dirty work and lead the break-up. So, don’t let that be you – lead the discussion, and if they are not willing to change, leave them.
You’re dedicated enough to your relationship that you’re willing to bare all and write into a relationship column – you care so much, which is so beautiful and valuable. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.
I hope this helped your concern; I would love to hear from you again with an update or anyone else in my anonymous Google Form submission. You can also email me at [email protected]. I hope you all have a happy and restful Winter Recess, and the next time you hear from me, I’ll be in Florence, Italy, studying abroad for four months!
