When you enter adulthood, there are inevitably a ton of things that will catch you off guard or leave you anxious about what comes next. How do I pay my taxes? What comes next after college? What will happen to all my friends after I graduate?

It’s stressful and sometimes overwhelming, but we have come to expect these anxieties well before we reach this stage in life. 

One thing I did not expect, however, is just how painful it is to be single on Valentine’s Day. I always thought it was some lame trope shown on TV, but sometimes it’s genuinely unbearable. While you are all alone, seemingly everyone and their mother posts about their happy relationships, leaving you to feel alienated and lonely. 

Being single on Valentine’s Day is not fun, and I don’t blame anyone for feeling bitter during this season. I have spent a fair few Valentine’s Days wallowing in my bed wondering what was wrong with me and whether I would ever be loved.

This is where the rubber meets the road, however. Are you going to lay in a bed of your self-pity, or are you actually going to do something about it? If it bothers you so much, why not try to change that?

These are questions I’ve had to ask myself as the season of love creeps closer and closer. 

So … what can you actually do, then?

First and foremost, maybe rethink how you perceive the holiday. While it is mostly associated with romantic love, Valentine’s Day is not exclusive to those kinds of relationships. Instead of being miserable wondering why you don’t have a partner, use the day to express your love for the people around you. Hang out with your best friend, buy your mom some flowers, celebrate Galentine’s Day instead, or maybe actually try working up the courage to say something to that special someone. 

You are the only one that can make yourself miserable on Valentine’s Day. I know it’s hard escaping the trappings of your own mind, but just as love is a choice, so is happiness. Don’t allow society’s expectations to weigh you down. I know that it’s hard to be single during this time of year, but that’s why it’s all the more important to lean on the people around you. Just remember, you’re never as alone as you think.

You might not have a romantic partner, but I can guarantee that there are a plethora of people who love you platonically. I know nothing can really replace the part of you that yearns for a romantic connection, but leaning on friends and family can help ease the pain. 

Stop doom-scrolling on Instagram and TikTok, and actually enjoy the time you have with others. Not everything in life is about romance, and the time you have with anyone is limited so don’t waste it feeling sorry for yourself, especially if others are going through the same pain you are. 

Additionally, there is nothing stopping you from taking the necessary steps to forge a romantic connection. 

Love isn’t just going to find its way to you. Like I said, love is a choice, so you are responsible for being open to it and seeking it out. That said, there is a fine line between seeking and being desperate. Don’t treat relationships like they are job applications with the first date being the interview.

I can guarantee you that this will only end the same way every time. Don’t jump into things with concrete expectations of where things should go, because it will only result in one or both parties being disappointed. If you get anything from this article, it’s that you should take the time to enjoy the moment, because it is in those moments that connections are formed. Stop dwelling on the past and future for just one day. 

The only thing holding you back from being in a relationship is you, so consider working on yourself for a bit. Go to therapy, start journaling, pick up a new hobby, start working out, etc … If you have a problem with some aspect of yourself, take the steps to improve that part of your life. Before loving someone else, you need to learn to love yourself, which is one of the toughest challenges anyone can face.

Build up that confidence in yourself, because the biggest thing holding you back is probably not your looks or the way you dress. Instead, it’s your self-worth and anxiety. The best things in life happen by chance, so you have to be willing to take the leap of faith necessary to get what you want. There is always a risk with romantic relationships, so you have to have the confidence to navigate them despite the fear of the unknown. 

Stop trying to overanalyze what Valentine’s Day is supposed to mean and just enjoy the moment. Spend time with someone who already makes you happy, sometimes that’s all you ever really need.