Feeling lonely on Valentine’s Day? So am I … but probably not for the same reasons.
St. Vincent’s Day, more commonly known as Valentine’s Day, is almost upon us. The day celebrates all forms of love, especially those between romantic partners. Single individuals will either chill with a gal or pal, or prepare to self-loathe over the love they have no one to give to.
The dynamics are a lot more complex in long-distance relationships, which takes “from a distance” to a new level. I realize this more as I celebrate with a Dutch man this year, with a 6-hour time difference and more than 4,500 miles between us.
To say being in a long-distance relationship is challenging is an understatement. For one, to simply be in one requires a lot of adapting. It is likely that one, or both people, will have to make some type of sacrifice to make sure we are active in each other’s lives.
Another obstacle is accepting the circumstances as they are. For two everyday people who don’t have the money to travel frequently, it has to be accepted that most of the relationship will rely on some sort of technology to keep up with each other.
It can be an especially hard pill to swallow when you remember that anything can happen, particularly applying to emergencies or life-altering events. This is my biggest fear around my relationship, because I know that if something serious were to occur, I most likely would not be there to support him.
Luckily with the current age of technology, it is much easier to connect with each other online. People from completely opposite areas of the world can connect on almost anything. As long as the internet is accessible, then communication can still come easily.
However, technology can’t exactly make up for the distance. While being able to collaborate instantly through technology does make it bearable, the fact of the matter is that they’re really not around.
The sound of his voice consoles me and the pictures of him help reassure me that he is still well and healthy. But eventually, I will have to take the headphones off and silence my phone to prepare for another day without him.
All in all, it is undeniably difficult. Though what makes it worth it is passing the tests of faith and love in the relationship. Besides, what more can you ask of a person who is willing to travel hundreds of miles to see you, even for a short amount of time?
Despite the everyday challenges, I, as a long-distance partner, must focus on the positives. As much as I could nitpick reasons to be unhappy, I could do the same for reasoning to be content. These circumstances teach me to appreciate the small things, not only within our relationship but in life.
I may be alone physically, but on the bright side, I have someone who is willing to put up with the additional risks just to keep up with me. It was conflicting for me to realize how the person who makes me feel the most seen is the person I don’t get to see at all.
We still make memories despite the distance and the limited activities that we can do together. It stresses a very important aspect of every relationship – they want to make the relationship work. If they wanted to, they would – something that doesn’t have to be questioned in long-distance relationships.
So no, I will not be with my Valentine this year. And yes, in his absence I will feel especially lonely this Valentine’s Day and (internally) sneer at the couples I will see walking down the street together.
But I can be relieved that somewhere across the Atlantic there’s someone feeling the same way in my absence.
I hope this moment of vulnerability helps bring comfort to others in the same situation. Long-distance relationships do not always have to be under the circumstances of two people simply finding each other’s profiles. This includes couples separated because of work or study obligations, incarceration, or other difficult-to-change circumstances.
Couples in this situation should be proud to be living proof that love has no bounds. In a rapidly changing world with a current very turbulent climate, we all carry on with (and for) the love of someone or something.
With that being said, my Valentine and I – one of us in the U.S., the other in the Netherlands – wish everyone a happy Valentine’s Day!
