Welcome back to The Comenian’s relationship column (Italia edition); I started to write this article on a plane to Florence, so if it gets a little turbulent, you know why!
I’ve noticed that ghosting someone has become an increasingly popular way to end a relationship. If you don’t know, to ghost someone, you just basically stop responding to their messages – no, “sorry, I don’t think this will work out for XYZ,” conversation, one member of the relationship just stops responding to the other.
Now, there are layers of ghosting. As someone who has ghosted and been ghosted, there usually are signs that someone isn’t interested in you anymore: they stop responding as quickly, as excitedly, and/or they just seem like they’re not invested in you as a person or the two of you as a relationship in general.
Deciding to ghost someone is hard, but for me, it usually depends on how well and how long I’ve known someone and how they treated me. If I went on one date with a man who kept making misogynistic jokes, I would have no concern about ghosting him for a variety of reasons.
On the flip side, if I were to go out with someone I had already known from high school and realized after a few dates we weren’t compatible, I would kindly let them know. I feel like they deserve my honesty at that stage in the relationship, especially with having a previous relationship.
Ghosting gets a bad reputation, but sometimes it’s necessary (and sometimes, it’s a jerk move). You just need to find out which situation you’re in – if your partner is making you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, or if they’re just plain mean, it might be time to ghost them. But, if you’ve been talking for weeks or been on more than two or three dates, it’s probably better to send them a message.
This is probably the curse of being a woman – I’m so afraid of men, so if they ask me, “Hey, can I see you again?” in a dark parking lot by ourselves, I’ll probably say yes and then later text them (or ghost them) depending on our date. I’ve just seen so many horrifying news stories of a woman turning down a man and then getting murdered to the point there is a new term coined for these sorts of crimes: rejection killings.
So, anytime someone makes me feel bad about ghosting or giving my number to a man just to block him as soon as I get home, this is my new response: “Would you prefer he killed me out of anger?” Of course I’m not implying that all men are like this, but I think it is very reasonable to worry about these things as a small 5’4 woman who genuinely would not be able to fight back against bigger men, even after years of self-defense classes.
Anyway, back to ghosting: there are times I feel like ghosting can sometimes work against you. If you’re talking to a person in your friend group and suddenly stop responding, they’ll probably ask around, which will make things even more awkward (especially at a college as small as Moravian).
Ghosting can also be an act of emotional self-preservation. If you find yourself dreading a difficult conversation or if someone is giving off red flags that suggest they won’t handle rejection well, ghosting can be a way to avoid unnecessary stress and drama. In a fast-paced college environment, where time and emotional energy are limited, some may argue that ghosting is a practical, albeit impersonal, solution.
This is NOT me advocating for ghosting someone you’re in a relationship with them – that’s completely different; if you trust someone enough to be in a relationship with them, you should trust them enough to communicate. Ghosting should be reserved for “situationships,” someone you’re just starting to go out with, or someone you’re talking to online but never met in person.
If you’ve been dating someone for a long period of time, disappearing after months isn’t just upsetting and inconsiderate – it can be damaging to both partners’ sense of self-esteem.
If you have been ghosted, don’t worry; it’s not just a you thing. In a study by the Thriving Center of Psych, 1 out of 2 people report being ghosted by a close friend, about 1 in 4 people have been ghosted after the first date or after a couple of dates, and even worse, 1 in 10 shared they’ve been ghosted after a couple of months of dating.
So, while getting ghosted can be painful, don’t internalize it as a reflection of your worth; instead, take it as an indication that this person definitely wasn’t the right match for you in the first place. The love of your life will not leave you on read for months, I can promise you that.
Jon • Mar 14, 2025 at 1:48 pm
I completely agree with you! I think theres a stigma behind things like ghosting because it inherently hurts to be ghosted, so people are less likely to talk about it in any sort of positive light. I think that this article definitely analyzes ghosting more than I’ve ever seen before.
Hopefully these statistics at the end of the article become a little rarer over time (that being because people aren’t getting into shitty situationships as much), but if they stay the same, I hope article like this give more insight to people who feel ashames for ghosting when it was likely the right decisison.