President Tonald Drump signed an executive order making Simlish the country’s official language.
Yes, you are reading this correctly. In order to harass I mean support marginalized 2000s kids perpetually haunted by the Sims that they left to rot for years, Drump and his situationship-turned-business partner, [redacted], promptly took to X or the deadname Twitter, to state: “For all 2000s libs this one’s for you *throws basket ball and misses* we are making the OFFICIAL LANGUAGE OF THE US OF A, Simlish! Say dag dag to English and other woke languages and give Simlish a sul sul as our nation’s great new language!”
He followed it up with another tweet (Drump made deadnaming legal) in Simlish: Zibber dibber, Americo! Nom frensh frites, whee! Boo Frensh, Blup blup!”
Drump still intends to use some English in speeches but for “sociological purposes.” But, Simlish will override the lack of parts of speech prowess and knowledge of grammatical conventions that most Americans suffer from (they’re, their, there is disgusting). And pronouns? If us Americans could read, we’d be very upset about what pronouns are. They will be semt to the shadow realm to be known as no-nouns. You will now only be addressed by your full government name and social security number.
He also noted that because of this change, Simeoleons will now replace the US dollar, and make everyone richer, just like he probably did not promise! The bottom line is that Simlish will be a new way of connecting with each other and getting away with saying defamatory things!
(As I am writing this, RFK Jr. has entered my house carrying mysterious animal meat and is heavily breathing down my neck, probably rabid from all the roadkill he has consumed. He tries to speak, but his brainworm prevents him from doing so – yet, I know the grave and foolish mistake I have made without me having to hear his chainsmoker voice; Writing this will certainly get me in trouble; The rest of the article will now be written in Simlish, idk what to write tho so here are the lyrics to the FNAF song in Simlish)
Zib zabi weebin nigt
To ra-zim roam and invite
Newcomy zibs to play wit us
For ma winks we bee alalone
Weeb forced to be still and play
Za same zongz we known since that day
An impostor took our life away
Now we’re stuck here, decay
Pliz let us zenk in
Don’t lock us away
We not liwhat you tinkin
We’re poor lit’l souls
Who lost all control
And we forced here to take that role
Been all alone
Stuck in our lil’ zone
Since ’87, yo!
Join us, be our frond
Or just be stuck and defend
After all you only got
Five nights at Freddy’s
Is dis where you wanna be?
I just don’t get it
Why ya wanna stay?
Five nights at Freddy’s
Is dis where you wanna be?
I just don’t get it
Why ya wanna stay?
Five nights at Freddy’s, oh!
Zib zabi quite surprised
We see you another night
You shoulda look for anuvah job
You shoulda said bye to dis place
It’s like there’s so much more
Maybe you been in dis place before
We remember a face like yours
You seem to know those doors
Pliz let us in
Don’t lock us away
We’re not like what you tinkin
We’re poor lit’l souls
Lost all control
And we forced here to take that role
Been all alone
Stuck in our lil’ zone
Since ’87, yo!
Join us, be our frond
Or just be stuck and defend
After all you only got
Five nights at Freddy’s
Is dis where you wanna be?
I just don’t get it
Why ya wanna stay?
Five nights at Freddy’s?
Is dis where you wanna be?
I just don’t get it
Why ya wanna stay?
Five nights at Freddy’s, oh!
