Hello to the Moravian Community. It is in a confused emotional jambalaya that I’m writing now to tell you that somehow the PPCrack is back. We’re all still in a bit of shock here at the Comenian and our surprise is – as you could imagine – unimaginable. 

I’m going to get into some of our best explanations in a moment, but for now I want to give you some background. And if you clicked on the article just for the picture, sorry, I don’t know what you expected – It’s not gonna be that exciting.

There was a protruding crack in the sidewalk outside of PPHAC – and actually another one by comenius I’ve since learned – that used to trip unassuming passersby starting at the beginning of last semester. Maybe you’ve seen someone eat pavement on the way to class last semester, and pretended not to be a little amused. If you’ve never heard of it, consider yourself lucky – and/or slightly out of touch. More background on the crack can be found in my previous article, if you’re the kind of person who reads articles (loser). 

Needless to say, Moravian sorted out this crack epidemic impressively fast. And although I advocated for its removal in my article, I was surprised to have missed it the first couple weeks. 

I try not to take much entertainment from people’s suffering and so maybe I should be more ashamed to say it, but the crack was undeniably entertaining. I never saw or heard about anyone getting seriously hurt from tripping on it – though I’m sure it could have happened. I’m not certain of the statistics but I would imagine most of the time people would catch themselves, not even fully falling over, most of the time it seemed to be at the worst a very humbling experience. And we all know a person or two who could use a humbling experience – including ourselves at times. In this way it felt at times like an agent of extraordinarily mild karmic justice.

Also, it was a minor touchstone of the Moravian community, something fun to talk about. I would ask people about the crack and hear their trip stories. After hearing the stories and tripping myself a couple of times, I’d see a trip and understand it as a shared universal experience. We were all equal to the crack, it trips us without discrimination. I respected the crack and it felt a little bittersweet to walk over the new cement for the first time. All of this pseudo-philosophizing and mawkish reflection is to say that throughout the semester I missed the crack. I was going through some crack withdrawal. 

So you might imagine my surprise, that after my own curtailed version of the 5 stages of grief and coming to acceptance, it comes back.

Anyway, we’re trying to gather up the information about how this could have happened but I’ll honestly say that as far as explanations go, the most we have for you is a series of reaching speculations. 

Theory 1: HUB construction (Our leading theory). The crack is of course very close to the HUB construction site. That is to say, someone – on the night of the 31st – could have snuck in and used one of these large construction vehicles to restore the crack as some sort of twisted april fools joke. I’m pretty sure if you dropped a wrecking ball on the pavement that would totally do the trick, but I could be wrong. 

Theory 2: It just did that. I don’t know, maybe it just did that like they didn’t push it down hard enough before and it sort of sprang back up, sort of.

Theory 3: Fake news: I measure my words here – what if this is fake news? This phrase gets tossed around, but what if I was lying? What if there was a holiday for lying? Then someone like me – who loves lying and meaningless histrionics – would jump on it like a toddler on an iPad. Probably mind blowing, right? I love April fools day and I love lying. 

Thanks for reading,

Happy April Fools day Moravian!

Sincerely, gunk