Yep, you heard me right – according to a recent study from the Institute for Family Studies (IFS), Americans are having less sex.
You may be wondering why, but I, among my peers, was more keen to wonder why not. In the last few years, women’s rights have been stripped, even threatening IVF and birth control access. People spend more time online, less time communicating in real life, and people are working so much they don’t even have time to consider a sex life.
So, in an informal poll in my political science class, we decided there are systemic issues influencing Americans’ sex lives, and we all know that a bad sex life means a bad relationship.
Think about it: when healthcare is tied to employment, when rent takes up half a paycheck, and when inflation makes groceries feel like luxury goods, who has the bandwidth for romance? Within the modern political climate, intimacy gets pushed to the back burner as a form of survival mode.
I’ve talked about this before, but dating apps are ruining romance. By promising connection, these apps have instead trained people to swipe through others like commodities, taking a second to judge whether they would spend a lifetime with someone.
It’s hard to build trust, let alone desire, in a marketplace where people feel disposable. For many, the digital world has become a poor substitute for genuine, real-world closeness. And don’t get me started on A.I. psychosis – where people have been falling in love with artificial intelligence instead of talking to real people.
Sex has always been wrapped up in culture and politics — whether we like it or not. And lately, it feels like the weight of everything else is crowding it out of people’s lives. By the time people line everything up – work, hobbies, friends, homework, classes, commuting, family time – they’re too exhausted to do anything but fall asleep.
And this is a new phenomenon. Americans didn’t need to worry about working two full-time jobs per parent in the 80s. One salary was the standard to care for a four-person household. Isn’t that crazy? Now, minimum wage doesn’t even cover one person’s living expenses.
And less sex is a bad sign for society. Less sex, fewer babies, fewer active members of civil society, and that is why vital programs like Social Security will no longer work with America’s changing population density. This is a bad sign, everyone!
And that means we need to have more sex, as a society. So, how do you fit into a relationship in this day and age? Well, you have to make it work. First, don’t force a relationship. If it is meant to happen, it will – and if you’re having trouble finding someone, that’s normal.
Some of the best relationships I’ve heard of don’t happen until both partners are in their thirties or older, so you have time to explore and experiment. That’s what your 20s are about – having fun, finding out what you like and why, and discovering yourself.
If you’re worried about money, you can do tons of free dates. Read together, go on a walk, have a cheap picnic, play card games, do an online game together, an online escape room, or so many other free options.
If you don’t have time to go on a date with someone, then you only have time for hook-ups. Don’t lead someone on and let them expect that you’ll be there for them when you have no plans of doing so.
If you find someone and you’re making it work, try to call each other in your spare time. Text each other good morning and good night, buy them small things that remind you of them, write them notes, or just small actions to show them that you care.
Relationships should be easy, and if it doesn’t feel that way, something isn’t right.
Intimacy is about presence. It’s carving out a little space in your overstuffed calendar to tell your partner you see and want them, and that they matter.
That’s the antidote to systemic and relationship burnout — the tiny rebellions of tenderness. The biggest act of love is loving again, even after you’ve been hurt, even if you’re scared, busy, or poor.
If society keeps telling us we’re too busy, too broke, too tired, then choosing connection becomes radical. Maybe the fix isn’t swiping faster, but slowing down enough to actually feel close to another person again. Or, maybe the answer is just more sex. I’m only 21, I don’t know the answers to the world.
Thanks for reading, and here’s the link to my Response/Suggestions form that’s completely anonymous if you have anything you want me to cover in upcoming columns.
