Trust is one of the most important aspects of relationships, something that will never change over time. In order to feel comfortable and happy within a relationship, you will always need an inherent trust in your partner. 

With modern technology, I feel that cheating has been on the rise, but so have false allegations of infidelity. Although, unfortunately, many times, these cases are true, sometimes, they’re fabricated stories. 

So many of my friends constantly fear the: “Hey girly, I have some bad news about your boyfriend” text coming through some sort of social media direct messages, but often, these come from a stranger. Someone who could lie for any reason to achieve any purpose they desire, and it’s hard to know who to trust.

So, what do you do when a random girl online says your boyfriend was flirting with her, and he denies it?

I’ll tell you since this exact situation happened to me two years ago. At that point, my boyfriend and I were seniors in high school and had been dating since our first semester freshman year, so I’d say we trusted each other a lot. 

One day, I received a text from a random girl that my boyfriend had made a lewd come-on to her, and I went feral–because why would someone lie about that? I went through every stage of grief in the few periods of classes that I had not seen him and almost lost my mind. 

After I spent a lot of time pondering and internal screaming, one of my favorite teachers asked me an important question, something along the lines of: “If Gavin doesn’t treat you like that, what makes you think he would do that to another girl?” 

I am so thankful for that teacher and that moment, and I often reflect on it when I feel a little hesitant about my partner. He treats me like I’m the only girl in the world, and after a lot of thinking, I knew that acting that way was something literally not in his power. 

And you know what makes it better? My partner told me about all of this before it even reached my ears, keeping me updated on what everyone else was saying, all while reassuring me that it wasn’t true. 

For context: The girl who messaged me was actually part of a larger group of girls that serially attempted to break up well-established relationships in our high school through false cheating allegations such as this. I, unfortunately, was not aware of this history when she initially messaged me. 

It may take some time to build up trust in relationships, but there is no other way to survive situations like this in a relationship without it. I trust my partner with my life, and I tell him everything because he’s like my best friend and boyfriend in one. If you don’t feel that comfortable with your partner, it’s time to do some inner thinking about whether the relationship is worth salvaging or how it could be improved. 

Becoming more honest, comfortable, and trustworthy in a relationship will only lead to more stability. Your partner should feel like a lifeline, someone who will always have your back no matter what happens. If you don’t feel like that, it’s time for a serious conversation with your significant other. Try to discover the source of your mistrust, and you’ll start to make a lot of headway. 

A lot of times, these concerns are fueled by insecurities within one’s self or even the relationship as a whole. However, there are sometimes more resounding issues that need to be addressed before moving forward in that relationship, and there’s no way to make progress without communication. 

As usual, thank you for reading this column! If you have any questions or comments, feel free to contact me through email at [email protected], in the comments, or fill out this Google Form!