
Hello Hounds, and welcome back to the Fatimah Files!
January always feels so strange, you have resolutions galore and new opportunities, but where are the thrills? Can’t we skip to the good part, the excitement, the joie de vivre?
January is like the waiting room of months. We wait for good things and in the process, we try to expedite the painful process. My friends, we’re in the deluge of the trying season. For those of us with mental illnesses, it feels exhausting when we try and try but can’t tell if our efforts are in vain or not.
But, E for effort, right? I wish it were that simple. In theory, you should get what you give and your efforts should be rewarded.
What do you do when you know you have to try, but you feel hopeless in doing so?
In therapy, I’ve learned the art of reframing trying times. Instead of telling myself I have to I say, “I get to” or “I get the chance to.” A way I recently practiced this mindset was this past winter break. I quit my mediocre part-time job and hurled myself into the soul-sucking world of job searching. My mind was occupied with visions of Indeed and LinkedIn, and I’d be lying if I said the search didn’t send me into a spiral.
Instead of saying, “Ugh, I have to look for a new job,” I said, “I get the chance to find a job that aligns with my interests and work ethic.” I had to remind myself that I had the choice to look for a job, which is much more freeing compared to being tethered to a job I didn’t like.
Now, what about trying and failing? Yes, I get the chance to find a new job, but there is still the pain of trying and getting rejected – trust me, it would take me eons to get somewhat used to rejection. It’s so easy to get caught in the loop of, “Why couldn’t they hire me? Why did they respond? I will never get a good job.”
This is where radical acceptance comes in. You acknowledge that the situation is not within your control and accept it. But, there’s another component to this that I really like: validating your feelings. You have every right to be sad, depressed, hurt, angry, irritable, or to think that things unfolded unfairly when a situation sours.
For me, it was frustrating and demoralizing to apply for jobs only to be rejected or hear nothing back. It wasn’t fair, because I had experience and I’m a good worker. Yet, getting hired wasn’t in my control. What is in my control is my reaction and my motivation to continue searching for the right job.
One more thing, and this may not make sense at first, but explore trying. This isn’t me berating you to try new things; Rather, I am saying explore and choose what you want to try out.
That can look like scheduling a specific day to try something that you have been curious about or making a list of things you want to try and rating them from easiest to hardest. Some easy ways to start trying include: participating in a new activity, trying new foods, or listening to a new artist.
Regardless, I implore you to branch out and don’t forget to celebrate your efforts. Don’t measure your success or failure, but acknowledge that you have the ability to take action rather than be idle. I hope in this new semester, we can all try to try more and reward ourselves for it. Stay sane, friends!
You can fill out my Google form if you’d like to send me a request, or email me at [email protected] if you have any questions or concerns!