AJ Reviews: “Morbius” (2022)

Photo courtesy of imdb.com

Photo courtesy of imdb.com

Hot off the heels of the excellent “Spider-Man No Way Home,” “Morbius” is the first Marvel movie to follow it, and it is certainly a movie. It has a plot and characters. That’s about all the praise I can give this movie. Not only is “Morbius” one of if not the worst Marvel movie of the past decade, but it is also a strong contender for one of the worst superhero movies ever made.

When I say “Morbius” makes me mad, I mean it. On every conceivable level, this movie is incompetent. The acting is bad, the writing is bad, the special effects are bad, the cinematography is bad, the editing is bad, everything is bad. I legitimately can’t think of a single redeeming quality of this movie.

This movie either looks like a bland blockbuster with mediocre color grading or it looks like a CGI mess. In scenes with minimal special effects, the movie has little to no visual flair and just looks like they picked a random filter rather than actually putting effort into it. That’s not even the worst of it though. Whenever the movie shows Morbius’ powers or has even a hint of CGI it looks downright atrocious.

I don’t know who decided to make his powers look like he was emitting gas, but whoever did should never make a single movie again, because it makes every action scene look like a bumbled mess and it only gets worse as the movie goes on. It gets to the point where I can only describe what’s on-screen as diarrhea Christmas lights (as per the YouTube channel, Girlfriend Reviews). The final battle especially looks awful and the fact that Sony thought it was OK to ship this movie with it looking like that is astounding.

Speaking of fights, the action is also an absolute dumpster fire. Like I said before, it just looks like a computer-generated mess. It’s fine to criticize other Marvel movies for their lackluster VFX but at the very least those movies look visually coherent and there’s a level of thoughtfulness put into the action. Here, it just looks like a bad video game. The action in this movie looks like an ugly splash of colors on screen with an overuse of slow-motion that makes it look like amateur hour.

If you couldn’t tell already, the performances and writing are also bad. How you have only four major characters and develop none of them at all has to be some kind of record. Morbius’ mentor figure quite literally does nothing but say he takes care of him and dies in an anticlimactic way near the end. His love interest doesn’t even feel like a character and just exists to hang out with Jared Leto pretending to be crippled. Despite being a major part of the movie, she doesn’t do a single thing of value almost the entire time.

The main villain is atrociously bad too. His entire motivation for being a bad guy is that now that he has vampire powers, he’s above regular people and can do whatever he pleases, and wants to make Morbius see that too. This feels like the motivation of a lame villain from a Saturday morning cartoon. Also not to mention his psychological shift is completely out of nowhere and happens off-screen so the movie doesn’t even attempt to justify it.

Most damning of all is the titular character, Morbius. Somehow, someway, they managed to make Morbius the worst character in his own movie. The movie doesn’t display a single defining trait for the character; they just show that he’s a doctor and doesn’t want to hurt people. He has no personality or interesting traits. He’s basically just an action figure being played with by a lazy corporate entity. The movie even makes up this synthetic blue blood just so Morbius doesn’t have to drink real blood (because god forbid a movie about a villain actually shows them as a bad person). 

The movie also has two of the worst end credit scenes I’ve ever seen. To put it lightly, they are completely and utterly incompetent and wholly misunderstand the ending to “Spider-Man No Way Home.” The second one especially is one of the worst scenes that’s ever been put to a Marvel project. Everything about it is bad. The writing, directing, logic, acting, and more are all completely incompetent.

Sony continues to show that they do not know how to make a good Marvel movie once again. Outside of “Spider-Man Into the SpiderVerse,” every effort from Sony with Marvel has been a complete disaster since 2011. “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” is an awful movie and easily takes the cake for worst Spider-Man movie, “Venom” is bad, “Venom Let There be Carnage” was extra bad, and “Morbius” is the moldy festering turd placed on top of a cake of garbage known as Sony’s Spider-Man universe.

“Morbius” is not only one of the worst Marvel movies I’ve ever seen but one of the worst movies I’ve ever watched. There isn’t a single redeeming quality of this movie. Like I said before, this movie makes me mad. This isn’t even a bad movie that is really enjoyable like “Venom.” It’s just a lazy, boring, corporate hack job. Frankly, I find it insulting that Sony thought this was an acceptable state to release a movie in. I left the theater upset that I even watched it over literally any other movie playing that day.

Please, do not watch “Morbius” even if you are a Marvel fan. It’s not worth your or anyone else’s time. Instead, watch any other movie playing right now. Watch “Sonic the Hedgehog 2,” “The Batman,” or “Everything Everywhere All at Once.” Heck, watch crummy movies like “Fantastic Beasts Crimes of Dumbledore” or “Ambulance” over this hot pile of garbage.

Score: 1/10