As a senior, I think I made the most out of my time at Moravian: made friends, joined clubs, got to know professors, and secretly raged when I didn’t win at MAC bingo. In my last semester, I most definitely wanted to keep the good vibes going before I was on that stage for graduation in May.
And what better way to spend my last semester at Moravian than with … crippling senioritis?
Senioritis, for most students, is inevitable whether you’re finishing high school or college. It’s not just chronic procrastination and fatigue; it’s intense burnout and feeling spread thin.
No one really talks about the physiological toll of burnout, either. As the semester progressed, I gradually became more exhausted, and I could feel my body aching from stress. Sometimes, I experienced eye twitches, and other times, I would get headaches from feeling disoriented.
I didn’t want to send out emails or type up discussion posts or write at all (which is especially unhelpful when you’re a humanities major and writing is your lifeline). And it wasn’t like I could tell my professors, “Hey, I don’t feel like doing any of the assignments for your class,” or “I didn’t want to do this discussion post or that journal entry because it felt like a waste of time that I don’t even have.”
I suddenly found myself smothered with papers and presentations a-plenty, and even though everyone was telling me that I was “so close to the finish line,” I just didn’t want to finish the race. I physically couldn’t.
I don’t think the burnout truly hit me until very recently. I was attending the Moravian Wind Ensemble concert. One of the featured pieces was called “Phoenix Rekindled,” dedicated to people who are burned out, especially in the music department. When I heard this majestic number, I think it dawned on me instantly that, yes, I was burned out. I was operating on less than 20%.
For seniors, senioritis is a culmination of post-graduation apprehension, intense expectations to finish out undergrad on top, and the anxiety of wrapping things up in a limited amount of time. That’s not even addressing the doom-and-gloom of our current political moment.
For many of us, it’s the last time we’ll ever be in school or see our friends daily. For others, this is the calm before the storm of the real adult world. It’s normal to cycle through the different stages of burnout, from anger and sadness to apathy and anhedonia (loss of interest in things you like to do).
I also want to say that it’s perfectly okay to feel like an academic slug rather than an academic weapon. Processing my own burnout, I had to learn that it’s not the end of the world if I can’t turn every single assignment on time, be punctual for every class, or remember to email people back all the time. A very hard pill to swallow, I know.
Aside from the academic side of things, senioritis can be hard to navigate if you have any semblance of a social life. I consider myself an ambivert, but experiencing the motions of burnout and upcoming graduation anxiety, I found myself wanting to be alone and more reclusive. Much of the time, instead of spending my free time surrounded by my friends, I just spent time constantly recovering from everything else going on.
If you’re a senior, it’s important to know that you’re allowed to feel this way. Sit in your feelings and “walk” through why you feel angry/sad/apathetic/irritable. If you can’t understand your emotions to the fullest, that’s okay. As long as you’re honest with yourself, first and foremost, you can be honest with others.
Start with your professors. If you need to ask them for the extension on a paper or project, talk to them about what’s going on, even if it’s just through a quick email exchange. Most of my professors have been flexible and forgiving when I’ve been struggling or just too depressed to turn in a certain assignment on time.
If you can, make small plans with your friends. This is something that I’ve been pushing myself to do more because, throughout the burnout and exhaustion, sometimes I just need something to look forward to. Even just an afternoon walk or a study session can go a long way in spending time with people who get you and may even be going through the same motions.
To any seniors reading hits , I want to assure you that you are doing a good job. Don’t let the fire in you go out when you’ve spent your undergrad on a nonstop grind to get an education. Give yourself grace when you can because it’s not easy to keep up a stable front while you’re struggling to balance all you can. I think that is one of the biggest takeaways from my column in general: knowing where and how to give sympathy to yourself. I think the Fatimah Files has made me realize that for myself.
Stay studious! Thank you to everyone who has read my column; it’s been truly an honor documenting the mental health struggles that college students experience, and being honest, this column has really helped me process my own emotions.
If you have any questions or comments before I graduate and depart from Moravian, feel free to email me at [email protected]!
