Photo from Liz Kameen.

Somewhere along the way, we started to accept the bare minimum in our relationships, but that shouldn’t be the case. If you feel like you’re asking for too much, you’re not; you’re just asking the wrong person. 

Many people believe that leaving a complicated relationship means you’re not trying hard enough, but sometimes, trying doesn’t alleviate the issues. Many of us stay because leaving feels like failure. We’ve been taught that endings mean we didn’t try hard enough, that love is supposed to hurt a little, that compromise means losing parts of ourselves, but that’s not true. 

Yes, sometimes relationships are difficult, but not all the time. If you’re constantly fighting, that is not healthy. It’s okay to outgrow people who refuse to grow with you. It’s okay to want more than good enough. As hard as it is, it is okay to say, “This doesn’t work for me anymore,” even when you can’t explain it neatly.

Being there for someone is one thing; fixing them is another. Yes, you see their potential. You believe you can help them heal, motivate them, and inspire them to be better. But the thing about potential is, it’s imaginary until it’s acted upon. You can’t date a person’s possibility. You can’t love them into being ready.

Your job in any relationship is not to be their therapist, savior, or endless source of grace. Your job is to show up as your whole self and expect the same in return. It’s not selfish, it’s what love is.

Sometimes, we settle because we mistake familiarity for safety. But staying somewhere that hurts you isn’t stability;, it’s being scared to find something better. 

My 7-year-old cousin recently told me how much he missed my ex, and I had no idea how to respond, but I asked him, “Didn’t you like him more than the one before?” And he said yes. I told him there’s someone out there that’s perfect for me that I just haven’t found yet, and I’m sure that will stick around in his Fortnite-riddled brain. 

Ask yourself if you’re happy in this relationship. Do you feel like you’re asking too much? Or your needs aren’t met? 

If the answers make your stomach twist, pay attention. That’s your intuition begging you to listen.

Stop thinking in a sunk-cost fallacy. Learn to recognize red flags early, not as warnings to overlook but as invitations to leave. Don’t rationalize patterns that hurt you just because you’ve already invested time. Loving someone for a year versus spending your entire life with someone you’re not happy with is not a fair comparison. 

Part of not settling is being honest about your own patterns. Are you choosing people who mirror your chaos because it feels familiar? Are you accepting breadcrumbs because you’re scared you won’t find a full meal? Growth means taking responsibility for your own role in repeating pain.

One day, you’ll look back and thank yourself for walking away. Not because you found someone new, but because you finally stopped abandoning yourself. Love that feels like home starts there, with you.

You deserve the kind of love that doesn’t make you question if it’s real: the kind that feels steady and adds peace to your life. 

And if you haven’t found that yet, good. It means you’re not done growing, and neither is the love that’s waiting for you.

Thanks for reading, and here’s the link to my Response/Suggestions form that’s completely anonymous if you have anything you want me to cover in upcoming columns.