I think it shows the decline in our communication skills and ability to be vulnerable when my newspaper adviser asked me where to find love in the modern dating age, and my only answer was the bar. 

Now, maybe I have been extremely unlucky in my hobbies and pursuits, but I have never been approached in a truly romantic way. I have interests, I’ve sat at coffee shops by myself, I go rollerskating, take walks, and read books in niche-locations like a performative male, and not once have I been approached. 

But, leave it to a Friday night haze in The FunHouse, and suddenly it seems like I am the most beautiful woman in the bar and everyone wants my number, so what gives? Why am I only desirable when I have a glass in my hand, and there’s a stale scent of cigarette smoke in the unventilated air? 

A part of me thinks that the alcohol and (usual) presence of friends around you dismisses the fear of being rejected, and in this modern age, it feels like that is all everyone is afraid of. God forbid you get turned down after asking someone out, but I think the same way about everything in my life: if you don’t do something because you’re afraid, what do you even do? What is your purpose? Why do you live, if not to feel? 

Every time I have been horrified by something, it becomes an experience after I manage to force myself to do it. Whether that occasion becomes a learning experience or a fun one depends on the situation, but I’ve learned to live with no regrets, because you can’t change the past; you can only learn from it. 

So, go ask that girl at the coffee shop for her number. Stop living in the fear of what you will and won’t do, because you will not remember a single rejection on your deathbed. Not to be harsh, but you will remember spending your life alone because you were too afraid to pursue anything more. 

What’s the cause of all of this? I’ve talked about the decline in Americans having sex in a previous column, but I truly think social media and the internet have led to a downfall in dating. In a culture saturated with online pornography and constant digital stimulation, it can be difficult to feel genuinely valued by a partner.

This reminds me of a scene from “Sex and the City,” where Charlotte discovers Trey, her partner, who allegedly suffered from erectile dysfunction, was actually masturbating to porn magazines behind her back. I know it’s fictional, but it represents real issues: someone can be perfect, beautiful, smart and successful, but their partner can still be infatuated with models and pornstars they will never meet, and I think this is one of the biggest dangers of the internet. It reflects how easy it has become to replace effort with instant gratification, because why shower your partner with attention and love when you can find a video online to satisfy your urges? 

When relying on manufactured porn, AI-hallucinated relationships, deep-fake videos of celebrities, and a mass influx of sex work online, intimacy is difficult to replicate when you can find it in a two-minute porno. Why do you need to show your partner attention when you have a robot you can talk to, which supports everything you say? 

This manufactured intimacy is genuinely dangerous; there have been significant studies that expose the correlation of watching porn with increased violence against intimate partners in relationships. 

And don’t even get me started on dating apps, which I’ve talked about before in this column, – something I have been a personal victim of – because they reduce people to profiles. It is impossible to find love when you judge a person based on a ten-second look at their most popular picture and know nothing about them or their interests. 

Real intimacy requires time, attention, and effort, and only after knowing someone better than their social media is when you can experience the true depth they have to offer. Real connection requires a conscious effort from both parties, and all you need is a little courage to see all the world has to offer to you, romantically. 

And, if you get rejected a few times, date a few duds, or get your heart broken, so be it – that’s only a part of life, and it makes the moment that you find your special someone even more beautiful. 

As always, thanks for reading the Comenian! If you have any questions or comments, feel free to contact me through email at [email protected], in the comments, or fill out this Google Form!