If you’ve had a bad experience with a roommate, you are probably reading this, and if not, read this with accountability because you may be this person.
P.S. Please don’t try any of these on your roommates.
Day 1. Leave your hair in the drain.
If maintenance workers are dialed, don’t be surprised if you’re the person who is handed the phone by your infuriated roommates after repetitive warnings.
Day 2. Be stingy.
When you receive a text from the roommate group chat and a Zelle request for cleaning supplies, pretend your hands have become paralyzed. Let your roommates chip in on your behalf—it’s the best way to lose their trust!
Day 3. If they have a guest over, make sure to meddle in their business.
A roommate’s guest has just arrived, so feel free to prop your head against their door and overhear a conversation your respectful roommate mentioned was personal. I’m sure your obvious eavesdropping will make the guest feel awkward.
Day 4. Don’t take responsibility for your guests.
Since your roommates play the role of chaperone and cleaner to their guests, make sure you’re the complete opposite by letting your guests damage furniture and leave their clothes everywhere.
Day 5. Squeeze all the toothpaste into the sink.
As you rush to get ready for your 9:00 am class, make sure you squeeze enough toothpaste so that the entire house can brush their teeth.
Day 6. Toss your hygienic products, wipes, and toilet paper on the floor.
When you use the bathroom, make sure you aim your toiletries about a foot away from the trash can. I’m sure everyone would love to see the avant-garde piece you installed on the tiles.
Day 7. Don’t wash your dishes.
After you’ve cooked a full-course meal, leave the dirty dishes piled in the sink and don’t mind wiping the sauce splattered beside the stove.
Day 8. Wreak havoc on a school night.
During final exam week, pretend like your roommates don’t also have exams to study for and presentations to prepare. Play loud music—it’s the most productive way to make them lose respect for you.
Day 9. Overstep your boundaries.
Don’t be surprised if your roommate loses it after you spilled a Shirley Temple on their favorite dress you “borrowed.”
Day 10. Be defensive and close-minded when you are called out.
Your roommate has probably had it with you by now, so when they confront you, make sure to act defensively and not acknowledge the times you messed up and didn’t take responsibility.
